Tuesday, February 22, 2011


I stared at her in utter disbelief. I could not believe what she just said.

"Did you really say what I just heard?" I asked her still unable to accept it.

I really feel sorry for him. Take a look at this diary. Only few pages are filled. Then let me know how you feel" saying so she handed over the diary to me.


It is my 7th birthday today. Dad got me my favorite car I always wanted at the toy shop next to my house. Mom made my favorite sweet. She also promised a younger brother or sister by next year. I was so happy today. I love my mom and dad.


It is my 8th birthday today. My dad had promised something nice for me. I just hoped it was the cycle I had always wanted. Every time I walked across the shop, I pulled his shirt prompting him to buy it for me. But it was always the same reply "Some other day". I was praying sincerely hoping he would buy it this time, but no, he was drunk today too and I knew it was time to sleep.


It has been two years since I wrote a diary. Life has changed a lot. Previously dad used to drink once in a while, but now there is not a single day when he is not drunk. Mom and dad always end up fighting. Dad argues for sometime, then he beats mom and dozes off. Mom is left crying the entire night. But she acts as if nothing happened. Can someone please tell me what is happening? I still love my dad and mom. But I just want them to stop fighting.


Dad does not come to our house these days. Can someone tell me where he went? I just hate going to school. They call me by some name that I can't even spell. I have never heard such a word before. I will be a good boy hereafter. I won't go to excursions, I won’t watch cartoons, and I won’t have chocolates or ice creams. I just want my dad back. Please God, send him to me.


Mom hates me. I don't know what wrong I did. She beats me all the time. Can someone tell me why? The other day she threw a bucket of hot water on me. It burnt a lot. The thought still gives me shivers. I was hospitalized for a few days. Mom took good care of me. I thought she will not beat me again. But no, how wrong I was, she continued beating me after returning; only this time it grew worse.


I hate the boys at school. Today few of my class mates made me inhale something they had in their hands. I started coughing uncontrollably; I could not breathe for some time. Suddenly one of our teachers came out of the blue. The guys ran away leaving me all alone. The teacher thought it was my idea. She made me kneel down the entire day and also warned that I should never ever enter her class. How will I explain that it was not my mistake?


I swore never to write a diary. But today I had to write this. I was on the way from my class to the library as usual. I was walking across the park which was usually empty when she came out of nowhere. She was one year senior to me. She was the prettiest girl in school and all the guys went gaga over her. I always avoided eye contact with her; somehow I did not feel comfortable with girls. She blocked my way. I tried to walk past her, but she pulled me close and laughed aloud. Suddenly few more girls joined her. They almost dragged me to the ladies room. I just can't write anything more. I feel sick and I want to die. But I am a coward. I do not have the courage to do anything. I am filth. I should have never been born. I hate her. I hate women. They are all just B*****S.


This will be my last diary note. Today is the day I really felt I was me again. I felt the taste of freedom after a very long time in my life. I was waiting in the bus-stand when she came out of the adjacent street. She was waiting for some bus. I wanted to have a better view of her, so I walked past her. She was probably in her early 20s. She was wearing a cotton saree neatly tied. She had her hair neatly combed. She was having a handbag which she held very close to her may be because of my presence. She was the perfect woman who any man would easily fall for. She threw a dirty look at me. I looked down at myself. I had not taken bath for several days. I ate what was left over at garbage nearby. I was thin, weak. My clothes were all shabby. I knew why she gave me that stare. But was it my mistake? I felt a sudden rage building inside me. The harder I tried to suppress it, it was getting stronger. When I could not control any more, I burst out. I did not realize what I was doing. Only when finished did I realize, I had killed her. I strangled her to death. But I somehow felt relieved.


I closed the diary. I had just read how an innocent woman was killed. But still I was not sure if I felt sorry for the guy or the woman. My heart felt very heavy. Tears came to my rescue making me feel
lighter. I looked up at my best friend Anjana who was waiting patiently for me to complete reading.

She smiled at me gently and said

"If this guy had got a childhood just like anyone of us, he would not be now in a prison waiting for his execution"

"If this guy had at least one person who understood him, supported him, and stood by him, his life would have changed"

"God always sends only innocent sweet children to us. It is we, the family, the society, and the social background, responsible for what the child grows into"

"Do you still think a death penalty is the solution for this?"

I knew I would never be able to answer that question.


  1. Awesome.... heart breaking....|

    ---- Arundev